heralded as equality's new anthem, 'same love' is a hip hop song about how okay it is to be gay. the video focuses on an interracial, wealthy gay male couple during their journey to marriage and beyond. the song is being used as part of the referendum 74 campaign in washington to support gay marriage.
there is a lot to this song that is really positive. macklemore and lewis (responsible for the song) discuss stereotyping and some of the oppressions faced by queer people today. they also criticize the prevalence of 'that's gay' in hip hop music. i'm going to go out on a limb and say the issue of prejudice isn't widely covered in music, so good on them! how wonderful to have people singing along to lyrics that promote positive associations with marginalized identities!
i said i feel like a grinch, so clearly it's not all sunshine and rainbows for me. the first time i listened to this i was just getting into the song when the chorus (sung by mary lambert) started up. here are the lyrics to the chorus: and i can't change, even if i tried, even if i wanted to...
wait, why am i trying to change? why do i want to? there is nothing about being queer that makes me want to lift a finger toward heterosexuality. i do not mean to discount the obstacles faced daily by queer folks (including myself). however, let's be clear about the cause of these difficulties. queerness is not inherently problematic or inherently a struggle. it is society's reaction to queerness that results in barriers and challenges. the wording that a queer person can't change even if they tried or even if they wanted to suggests that there are reasons to change. there is a strong discourse around the idea that queer people are born queer, so we can't change and you have to tolerate us because there is nothing we can do about it! i do not see this as helpful language. folded into that argument is the suggestion that if queer people could try really hard to change their ways, they not only should but that they would want to. regardless of whether or not people do choose to be queer (which is a blog post for another day), the language in this chorus insinuates that there are reasons why queer people would try or want to not be queer. i don't see that an affirmation of my identity.
i also have an issue with the underlying theme of the song, which is that it's all the same love. gay, straight, queer, bi - everyone loves the same, so what's the difference? an interesting discussion around this topic surfaced during the gay marriage debate in iowa. a strapping american eagle scout raised by two moms stood up in the state senate to proclaim that there was absolutely nothing different about being raised by two women in a queer household. in response, a young queer woman wrote that she was also raised by two moms and she felt that growing up in a queer household was a different experience than being raised within a heterosexual one. unfortunately, i can't find the article, but i'm going to keep looking and then i'll post it. the point, however, is not whether zach wahls or this young woman is right. the point is why is the 'gay equality' movement so invested in presenting queerness as the same? this framing raises similar questions as the chorus: do i want to be the same? why do i want to be the same? i don't.
fluidity and variation are two of the beautiful elements of queerness. proclamations of sameness and attempts to 'market' queerness as 'just like everybody else' actually work to erase some of the distinguishing, liberating, and empowering aspects of queerness itself. many queer people fight not be reduced to boxes. so why is the movement so interested in fitting entire identities into pre-established boxes?
i guess for me, it's not important that everyone loves the same. every time i've fallen in love, it's felt different, so i suppose i'm a bit skeptical that everyone does in fact love the same. again, not the point. really, i think the argument that everyone loves the same is weak. the point is that no one should be in position to tell others how, whom, how many, when, why (etc) to love. who has the right to make those decisions for others? i don't trust anyone to make decisions about love for me. i barely trust myself. we don't all love the same, and that's a beautiful thing because we can learn from each other, grow in our ideas about love, and change.
i've had this post in my mind for a while now, but i was feeling hesitant to really come into my grinch identity. however, as the internet community gets so excited about this wonderfully produced anthem, i can't fight it anymore. i take issue with these messages. they do not represent me. i think it's important to make that known, and if that makes me a grinch, well, i can't change, even i tried...even if i wanted to.
